Building a Culture That Tames Conflict

November 8, 2025

Read Time - 4 minutes

“Don’t be afraid of opposition. Remember, a kite rises against, not with, the wind.”

~ Hamilton Mabie

One of the most rewarding aspects of working in higher ed is being surrounded by brilliant, independent thinkers — people with strong opinions, sharp intellects, and deep conviction about their work. And when you put that many passionate minds in one building?

Conflict is inevitable.

And that’s not always a bad thing.

Some disagreement is a sign of life — a spark of engagement.

Sometimes it’s a wake-up call.

Other times, it’s how a good idea becomes a great one.

I think back to a major curriculum overhaul early in my career. Some colleagues were enthusiastic, others skeptical, and a few firmly opposed. The discussions weren’t always comfortable, but because people voiced their disagreements openly, we refined the plan together and built something stronger than what I’d proposed on my own.

That kind of conflict is healthy.

It pushes ideas forward.

The shouting match in the hallway?

The email storm after a meeting?

The months of silent resistance?

That’s the kind of conflict that wears leaders down and drains culture.

The good news: leaders can’t eliminate conflict — but we can shape the conditions that keep it constructive. And it starts by normalizing disagreement — treating it as a healthy, expected part of academic life, not a threat to it.

👉 This is the fifth and final installment in my series on conflict in higher ed. In Week 1, we explored how skilled leaders notice conflict before reacting. Week 2 looked at the Direct Types (conflict that explodes), week 3 the Indirect Types (conflict that hides), and week 4 the Control Types (conflict that shapes).

The Leadership Takeaway

When leaders normalize disagreement, something powerful happens.

People stop whispering about their frustrations in hallways and start voicing them in meetings where solutions can actually happen.

Because when people trust that it’s safe to disagree, you get the full range of perspectives that make decisions better.

That’s the leader’s real job in conflict: Not to prevent it. Or to fix it for everyone.

But to create the kind of culture where disagreement can live in the open — where tension is handled with respect instead of resentment.

And that takes structure.

Clarity about who decides, how input is gathered, and what happens after decisions are made.

When those systems are predictable, even strong personalities can work within them.

Leaders who do this well build what I call “steady cultures” — teams where people know they can speak honestly, where tough topics don’t spiral, and where disagreement sharpens ideas instead of dividing people.

It’s beyond keeping the peace.

It’s about keeping the process healthy enough that peace isn’t required to make progress.

Four Practices That Minimize Destructive Conflict

1. Know When to Lean In — and When to Step Back

Not every disagreement needs immediate resolution.

Some tension is productive — it helps people clarify what they value and why it matters.

The key is knowing when to let disagreement breathe and when to step in before it turns toxic.

When you sense tension, pause and ask yourself:

• Is this conflict about ideas or identity?

• Is it moving the work forward or keeping it stuck?

If it’s about ideas, stay curious — ask questions, invite perspectives, and keep it in the open.

If it’s becoming personal, that’s your cue to redirect the energy toward process and purpose.

2. Set Clear Expectations — and Repeat Them Often

Most conflicts in higher education don’t come from bad intentions — they come from unclear expectations.

Who decides? Who’s responsible? What’s optional? What’s required?

When those lines get blurry, even small misunderstandings can snowball into resentment.

I’ve seen well-meaning committees end up in weeks of tension simply because no one ever clarified who had final say, or whether a discussion was exploratory or decisive.

Clarity is one of the most underrated forms of care a leader can offer.

When people know how decisions are made, what’s expected of them, and how their input fits into the process, the emotional temperature drops.

That predictability doesn’t just prevent conflict — it creates psychological safety.

People can disagree more freely when they know the rules of engagement are fair.

3. Focus on the Middle — Not Just the Extremes

Every major initiative brings out three groups of people.

Those who are fully on board, those who are open but cautious, and those who are firmly against it.

It’s human nature for leaders to spend most of their energy on the last group — trying to win over the toughest voices in the room.

But often, that energy would be better spent elsewhere.

Real progress happens when you strengthen the middle.

That’s where trust can still be built, and where small wins start to shift the culture.

When people on the fence see decisions made transparently and respectfully, they often come along.

And once the middle moves, the extremes lose their leverage.

So keep listening to the resistors, but don’t let them set the pace.

Your job isn’t to convince everyone — it’s to keep the work moving forward for those ready to engage.

4. Build Cultural Norms That Reward Collaboration

If you want to prevent destructive conflict, you have to make collaboration visible — and rewarding.

Culture isn’t built in grand gestures or mission statements; it’s shaped in the small, repeated behaviors that people come to expect from one another.

How meetings are run. How disagreement is handled. How credit is shared.

Start by setting clear, human norms:

Listen fully before responding.

Address issues, not people.

Disagree openly, but respectfully.

Then, (and here's the important part) model them yourself — especially when the room gets tense.

When leaders stay calm and curious instead of defensive or dismissive, it signals to everyone else: This is how we do conflict here.

Over time, those small moments create a big shift.

You stop rewarding whoever argues the longest or loudest, and you start rewarding whoever helps the group think best.

Try This Before Friday

In your next meeting, try saying this early on: 👉 “It’s okay to disagree here — that’s part of doing meaningful work.”

Then hold yourself to it.

When someone pushes back, resist the instinct to smooth it over too quickly. Let the disagreement breathe a little. Ask a follow-up question instead of moving on.

You’ll notice the tone shift immediately. People relax. They stop guarding their opinions. And slowly, disagreement starts to feel normal — even productive.

That’s how healthy cultures are built — not by avoiding tension, but by handling it calmly, consistently, and out loud.

Bottom Line

Leaders can’t make conflict disappear.

But we can make it less dramatic, less toxic, and more productive.

In healthy organizations, disagreement signals that people care — that they’re thinking, invested, and willing to speak up. What turns that energy toxic is when it’s met with defensiveness, avoidance, or control.

Leaders set the tone. When you respond with calm instead of reaction, clarity instead of confusion, and fairness instead of favoritism, people learn that disagreement is safe.

That’s how culture shifts. Not through policy or proclamation, but through the quiet consistency of how leaders show up when things get tense.

The goal isn’t a conflict-free workplace — it’s a community that trusts itself to handle hard things well.

👉 And with this friends, we close the series on conflict in higher ed:

My hope is that these tools leave you better equipped not just to respond to conflict—but to shape the culture around it.

That's it for today.

Have a great week!

Whenever you're ready, there are 3 ways I can help you:​

1.) Get the free guide: Your First 14 Days. A clear, practical playbook for new leaders navigating their first two weeks in higher ed leadership. 2.) Coaching for New Academic Leaders: A focused 1:1 coaching experience for higher ed professionals who want to lead with clarity, build smarter systems, and stay centered on what matters most. I work with a limited number of clients each quarter to provide highly personalized, strategic support. Send me a message.

3.) Professional Development Workshops: Interactive sessions for faculty, staff, and leadership teams that help reduce conflict, streamline decision-making, and shift culture with smart systems. Virtual and in-person options available. Sessions tailored to your campus needs.