- Kevin Sanders
- Oct 18
- 5 min read
October 18, 2025
Read Time - 4 minutes
“Never wrestle with pigs. You both get dirty and the pig likes it.”
~ George Bernard Shaw
Last week, in part 1 of this series on conflict we talked about how skilled leaders notice conflict before reacting. But what happens when conflict doesn’t hide — when it comes straight at you, right in front of everyone?
Early in my faculty career, I served on a search committee to replace a retiring faculty position.
After reviewing applications, we met to share our top candidates and why we felt they’d be a strong fit.
But it didn’t take long for a senior faculty member on the committee, who had expertise in the discipline, to take over. Every time someone spoke, he cut in:
“That candidate’s research isn’t serious.” “She’s not at our level.” “He doesn’t have enough teaching experience.”
30 minutes later, the conversations had changed.
The decision stopped being about finding the right candidate—
and it became about walking on eggshells to avoid conflict.
And when the dust settled, we mostly deferred to the candidates on that faculty member’s list.
The meeting ended, but the tension lingered. And the loudest voice in the room had become the only one. It was a masterclass in how confidence can silence competence — and how quickly authority can shrink when it gives way to intimidation.
Fast forward twenty years, and I’ve seen that same pattern play out in more rooms than I can count.
It’s a powerful reminder that one unchecked voice can shift the whole culture — not because they’re right, but because everyone else steps back. That day was one of my first memories of what I now call the Direct Types — the faces of conflict that are impossible to miss, and shouldn’t be ignored.
👉 This week’s issue is part of a 5-part series on conflict in higher ed. We’re looking at three big categories: Direct, Indirect, and Control types. Each one shows up differently — and each calls for a different kind of leadership. You can read issue 1 here.
The Leadership Takeaway
Direct conflict feels personal. It’s loud, forceful, and often unsettling. And your instinct might be to defend or “match” the energy. But that’s usually the worst thing you can do — and sometimes, it’s exactly what the other person is hoping for.
Another common move is to retreat — to stay quiet just to keep the peace (just like our search committee did). But while intensity can fuel escalation, silence can give unspoken permission.
You want to find steady ground between those extremes — keeping the dialogue focused and open without losing people to tangents or silence. It starts with holding your own composure when the room feels shaky. Your calm can signal to the room: We can disagree without drama.
It protects trust, strengthens credibility, and turns composure into strategy.
The Direct Types (and How to Respond)
The Bulldozer
Pushes their point with volume, repetition, or intimidation until others back down.
Impact: Quieter voices retreat; decisions skew toward whoever talks longest.
Why It Matters: The Bulldozer replaces collaboration with compliance. Once others learn that pushing hardest wins, genuine debate disappears.
How to Respond:
Acknowledge their point briefly (don’t ignore it, but don’t reward it).
Redirect to process: “Let’s pause and make sure we hear others’ perspectives.”
Use group norms or time limits to balance the floor.
Don’t match the energy/volume. Your steadiness is the equalizer.
If there’s persistence, offer to park it and meet at another time.
Leadership cue: You don’t always need to respond directly to the Bulldozer. Sometimes the best move is to widen the circle: “How do others feel about this?”
The Volcano
Calm one moment, erupting the next — leaving people startled and cautious.
Impact: Shocks the group into silence; others become cautious, avoiding future honesty.
Why It Matters: The Volcano trains people to tiptoe — creativity dies when candor feels dangerous.
How to Respond:
Lower your tone; don’t take the bait.
Name the behavior without judgment: “I can see this issue feels intense — let’s pause for a moment.” Pausing can give emotions a chance to cool down.
Follow up privately to process once emotions settle.
Leadership cue: Don’t absorb the blast. Be the calm after the eruption.
The Joker
Uses sarcasm or “just kidding” comments to poke holes in ideas or people. It’s a way to deflect discomfort or undermine authority through humor.
Impact: Normalizes disrespect, blurs accountability, and erodes trust.
Why It Matters: The Joker masks cynicism as wit — and when cynicism becomes culture, progress turns into performance art.
How to Respond:
Turn humor into accountability: “Can you say more about that?”
Set the norm: “Sarcasm can cloud the issue — let’s focus on the solutions.”
Model respect and seriousness for the conversation (without shame).
Don’t laugh along or ignore it entirely — it signals permission.
Leadership cue: You can’t out-joke a Joker — steady respect wins over snark.
Want something you can keep handy?
Download my free guide: Leading Through Conflict: The Direct Types — a one-page quick reference for when meetings get heated.
Try This Before Friday
In your next meeting, if someone dominates the floor or takes a jab, try this simple redirect:
👉 “Thanks for raising that — let’s pause and make sure other perspectives are heard before we move forward.”
Then watch what happens to the energy in the room when you hold calm instead of competing for control.
Think back to your last heated meeting — did you match, retreat, or redirect? What might composure look like next time?
Bottom Line
Direct conflict creates fear in the room. If it goes unchecked, quieter colleagues retreat, decisions get rushed, and resentment festers.
It’s also a test of leadership. Not just of your authority, but of your emotional presence.
If you respond with defensiveness or intensity, you make it a contest.
If you stay steady, you make it a moment of leadership.
And every time you do, you’re teaching everyone else in the room something important:
We can do hard conversations without losing control.
That’s how cultures change — not through policy, but through presence.
Calm, modeled in real time.
Thanks for reading. Until next Saturday.
P.S. If you’re facing these dynamics right now, this is the work I do every week with academic leaders—helping them turn conflict into culture change. Send me an email. Let’s get you the tools and the confidence to lead through the noise. Tune in next week and we’ll turn to the Indirect Types.
This is the style we see most often in higher ed.
These are the ones who don’t shout — they withdraw.
And that kind of conflict requires a different kind of courage to bring to the surface.
Whenever you're ready, there are 3 ways I can help you:
1.) Get the free guide: Your First 14 Days. A clear, practical playbook for new leaders navigating their first two weeks in higher ed leadership. 2.) Coaching for New Academic Leaders: A focused 1:1 coaching experience for higher ed professionals who want to lead with clarity, build smarter systems, and stay centered on what matters most. I work with a limited number of clients each quarter to provide highly personalized, strategic support. Send me a message. 3.) Professional Development Workshops: Interactive sessions for faculty, staff, and leadership teams that help reduce conflict, streamline decision-making, and shift culture with smart systems. Virtual and in-person options available. Sessions tailored to your campus needs. |