- Kevin Sanders
- Oct 25
- 5 min read
October 25, 2025
Read Time - 4 minutes
“Silence is not always golden.”
~ Unknown
Last week, we looked at what happens when conflict comes straight at you. But not every kind of conflict announces itself. Some simply…hide.
Early in my faculty career, before tenure, I served on a standing committee for student success that met throughout the year. Every meeting followed the same pattern: a few of us showed up, ready to work — and two senior faculty members, both highly respected…never did.
No emails. No apologies. Just empty chairs.
At first, we brushed it off. Everyone was busy.
But as the semester went on, their absence started to change the room.
The rest of us began to wonder: Was this optional?
What struck me at the time (and what I now know is more common than it should be) was that no one brought it up. No check-in, no accountability, not even a quiet acknowledgment that the group was carrying more than its share. Not from the department chair or the committee chair.
In the absence of leadership, the success of the committee depended on the good nature — and generosity — of a small few who kept showing up.
By the spring semester, participation had dwindled to a handful of weary optimists.
Nothing dramatic happened. No confrontation, no memo, no fallout. Just an absence of communication—and expectations—from leadership.
And when leadership goes silent, culture fills the space — usually in ways we don’t intend.
That’s the challenge with indirect conflict — resistance doesn’t show up in the meeting, it shows up after.
Not through raised voices, but through silence, side emails, or a quiet narrative of unfairness that surfaces once the room has cleared.
A few weeks ago, I ran an informal LinkedIn poll asking leaders which conflict style they see most often in higher ed. The results weren’t even close — indirect conflict won by a landslide.
👉 This is the third installment in my series on conflict in higher ed.
In Week 1, we explored how skilled leaders notice conflict before reacting.
Last week, we looked at the Direct Types — the ones that come straight at you.
And this week, we’re turning to the Indirect Types — the ones that hide beneath the surface and drain energy quietly.
The Leadership Takeaway
Indirect conflict isn’t about noise.
It’s about absence.
Silence in the meeting — but noise in the hallway.
Agreement in the room — but resistance in practice.
Politeness on the surface — but frustration underneath.
As leaders, it can be easy to underestimate how powerful absence can be — not just the absence of participation, but the absence of accountability.
When leaders stay quiet, silence becomes permission.
And over time, that silence teaches people what’s acceptable far more clearly than any policy does.
Your job is to surface what’s hidden — to build a culture where disagreement is voiced early, respectfully, and without fear of repercussion, and where participation is shared fairly instead of falling on the same generous few.
Leadership in these moments isn’t about calling people out — it’s about calling them in:
back into shared responsibility, shared communication, and shared ownership.
The Indirect Types (and How to Respond)
1. The Avoider
Avoids direct confrontation, resists through silence or backchannel emails.
Impact: Quietly erodes trust and fuels offstage conversations.
Why It Matters: Private resistance weakens public collaboration.
How to Respond:
Invite participation early: “We haven’t heard your perspective yet.”
Follow up 1:1 if silence persists.
Use structured feedback tools (anonymous forms, written reflections) for sensitive topics.
Ask for dissenting views to normalize disagreement.
Leadership Cue: Silence isn’t peace — it’s information. Bring their voice into the open before it becomes background noise.
2. The Victim
Frames change as unfair or personal.
Impact: Drains energy and turns every decision into an emotional negotiation.
Why It Matters: Victim narratives spread faster than facts — and redirect focus from solutions to sympathy.
How to Respond:
Acknowledge emotion, not the storyline.
Reframe around fairness and consistency.
Pair empathy with accountability.
Keep expectations visible and steady.
Leadership Cue: Empathy isn’t agreement — it’s respectful accountability with care.
3. The Ghost
Withdraws from conflict, skips meetings, and avoids uncomfortable topics.
Impact: Others quietly take on their share of work; progress slows; resentment builds.
Why It Matters: Avoidance teaches that showing up is optional — and disengagement spreads faster than effort.
How to Respond:
Clarify expectations for participation and follow-up.
Address patterns of absence early and privately.
Link engagement to outcomes and ownership.
Don’t do their part “just to keep things moving.”
Leadership Cue: Avoidance thrives on ambiguity — clarity is the antidote.
4. The Historian
Brings up old failures to stop new ideas.
Impact: Keeps innovation stuck in nostalgia.
Why It Matters: When the past drives decisions, the future loses momentum.
How to Respond:
Acknowledge past lessons, then ask, “What’s different this time?”
Invite them to define what success could look like now.
Use their experience as context, not control.
Keep discussions anchored in current goals.
Leadership Cue: Respect experience — but don’t let it write today’s script.
📄 Want a quick-reference version?
Download Leading Through Conflict: The Indirect Types — a free one-page field guide with profiles, warning signs, and sample language you can use in the moment.
Try This Before Friday
At your next meeting, notice who isn’t speaking.
Then pause and ask:
👉 “We haven’t heard from you yet — what’s your take on this?”
You’ll send two messages at once: that silence isn’t a free pass, and that every voice matters.
Bottom Line
Indirect conflict can hide behind politeness.
Nobody’s raising their voice — but progress still slows, and trust quietly thins.
The danger isn’t disagreement.
It’s the stories people tell themselves when no one names what’s really happening.
The Avoider thinks, “They don’t really want my input.”
The Victim believes, “No one ever listens to me anyway.”
The Ghost decides, “I can get away with not showing up”
And the Historian insists, “We’ve already tried this — why bother again?”
When those stories go unspoken, they become culture. People stop engaging not because they disagree — but because they’ve learned it doesn’t make a difference.
But silence spreads quietly…and so does trust. Every time you bring hidden conflict into the open, you rebuild a little confidence — in the system, and in one another. That’s how culture changes: one honest conversation at a time.
That’s all for today
Have a great week and I’ll see you next Saturday.
P.S. If you’re living some version of this right now, you’re not alone. Conflict is part of leadership—but it doesn’t have to define it. This is the kind of work I do with leaders every week. Send me a note, and let’s get you equipped to lead through the noise with confidence.
Next week, we’ll turn to The Control Types — the ones who don’t raise their voices or disappear, but steer. They manage perceptions, shape alliances, and influence outcomes quietly but powerfully. It can be some of the most damaging styles leaders deal with.
We’ll look at The Sage, The Divider, and The Politician — and how skilled leaders bring transparency, fairness, and accountability back into the room.
Whenever you're ready, there are 3 ways I can help you:
1.) Get the free guide: Your First 14 Days. A clear, practical playbook for new leaders navigating their first two weeks in higher ed leadership. 2.) Coaching for New Academic Leaders: A focused 1:1 coaching experience for higher ed professionals who want to lead with clarity, build smarter systems, and stay centered on what matters most. I work with a limited number of clients each quarter to provide highly personalized, strategic support. Send me a message. 3.) Professional Development Workshops: Interactive sessions for faculty, staff, and leadership teams that help reduce conflict, streamline decision-making, and shift culture with smart systems. Virtual and in-person options available. Sessions tailored to your campus needs. |