- 14 hours ago
- 6 min read
February 14, 2026
Read Time - 4 minutes
"The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place."
~ George Bernard Shaw
Ask your colleagues: "Is collaboration important here?"
Everyone nods.
"Do you want to be part of a great team?"
Of course.
Now ask: "What does collaboration actually look like in the heat of a leadership meeting when we disagree about priorities?"
Silence.
Here's what's going on: Everyone on your team agrees on the values. Nobody agrees on what those values mean in practice.
And that gap—between the abstract ideal and the messy reality—is where most of the day-to-day friction we experience resides.
If you can bridge this gap, you (and your team) will be way ahead of the curve.
The Problem Nobody Names
When I first became a chair, I focused on the obvious things. We had a mission statement. Strategic priorities. We all said we believed in collaboration and excellence.
But as we worked across the school, I started to notice something. Excellence was sometimes defined through individual interests, not what was best for the entire school. Collaboration happened when it was convenient, not always when it was hard.
We could count on being a team...when we agreed.
The same was true for how we communicated, supported each other, and depended on each other.
These are foundational to the work we do every single day. And yet, we never talked about them.
You can probably understand why. This is where conversations get sticky. It's where we might invite disagreement, and that's uncomfortable.
Case in point: Has your team ever discussed "What do we do when we disagree?"
Do we commit to the decision—even if we argued against it?
Do we undermine it later in hallway conversations?
Do we disengage from the process?
One or all of these happens without ever saying it out loud. And avoiding these conversations doesn't make the problem go away. It just means everyone defaults to their own instincts when conflict shows up—and assumes everyone else is playing the same game.
Several years ago, I wanted my leadership team to have a tighter bond, but I didn't know what that looked like. So I brought in a facilitator and told them what I was hoping for: more communication, clearer expectations, proactive problem solving, more systems thinking, increased collaboration.
The facilitator asked questions I'd never thought to ask: "How does each person prefer to receive feedback?" "What does 'being kept in the loop' mean to different people?" "When someone needs time to think, what does that actually mean?"
One faculty member needed to see issues in writing before discussing them. Another thought best out loud. Both were valid—but we committed to sending agendas 48 hours in advance so everyone could engage effectively.
Someone believed "keeping people informed" meant copying the whole team. Someone else thought it meant updating only those affected. Different styles, but we agreed on the behavior: decisions that impact multiple people get shared before they're final.
I believed disagreeing in meetings was healthy debate. Several people thought it undermined whoever was presenting. So we committed: clarify upfront whether we're discussing, advising, or deciding—so everyone knows their role.
We'd been working together for over a year. We'd never made any of this explicit.
Everyone had been interpreting everyone else's behavior through their own invisible rulebook. And I had no idea why "collaboration" kept breaking down.
Those facilitated conversations—awkward at first—transformed us. Not because we all started communicating the same way, but because we finally knew what game we were each playing.
More importantly, we made the goal posts clear.
We Do This at the Institutional Level Too
We do the exact same thing with our institutional goals. We easily rally around "increased enrollment" or "higher graduation rates" without defining what that means or what we're willing to invest.
We commit to "innovation" without saying what we'll stop doing to create space for it. Everyone agrees on the goal…that's the easy part. But few institutions say out loud what achieving it actually requires. And when people start working from different invisible playbooks, they don't just disagree—they question each other's competence and commitment. Because when expectations are invisible, violations feel personal.
What Actually Changes Things
Research on team effectiveness shows that establishing clear behavioral norms significantly improves team performance. According to LSA Global's analysis of management training data, "high performing team leaders establish clear behavior expectations and agreements about how work should get done. Done right, these behavioral agreements increase team trust—the foundation required to move up the team maturity continuum.”
The research is clear: it's not clarity about what to value. It's clarity about how those values show up in daily work.
Here's how to close that gap:
1. Stop assuming shared understanding
Just because everyone agrees collaboration matters doesn't mean they agree what it requires. Add one question to your next conversation about team values: "What does that actually look like in our daily work" and "what does it not look like?"
2. Name the behaviors, not just the values
Instead of "We value open communication," try: "When we disagree with a decision, we say so directly to the person who made it."
3. Identify the dilemmas, not just the ideals
Every goal creates tensions. Name them:
"We want increased enrollment. Does that mean more students, better retention, or strategic growth? And what are we willing to sacrifice to get there?" "We value innovation and stability. When those compete, how do we decide?"
Need an example? Here's what my current leadership team created together nine months ago:
1. Start with Trust. Lean on Grace. I value, support, and encourage my colleagues. I keep my word, address concerns directly, and extend grace when others stumble—just as I hope they do for me.
2. No Surprises. I share information before it becomes urgent, communicate transparently so colleagues aren't caught off guard, and use discretion when confidentiality is required.
3. Own the Work. Create with Joy. I prepare fully, deliver on commitments, and take responsibility for outcomes. I take pride in our shared excellence and bring joy into the work we create together.
4. Curiosity Opens Doors. Adaptability Moves Us Forward. I listen first and ask questions to understand. I welcome perspectives different from my own and adapt with discernment and grace when circumstances change.
These weren't rules imposed from above. They were commitments we made together. And even though we were already working well as a team, naming these expectations explicitly eliminated the friction that still existed.
Bottom Line
The problem isn't that people care about different things.
It's that everyone cares differently.
Great teams don't just share values. They make those values specific, behavioral, and discussable. They don't just say "We value collaboration." They say "Here's what collaboration means when we disagree." And they don't just say "We want increased enrollment." They say "Here's what that requires, what it will cost, and what we'll stop doing to make it happen." The standards creating the most friction on your team aren't the ones you've written down. They're the ones everyone's guessing at.
Try This Before Friday
Pick one value or goal your team claims to share.
Schedule 20 minutes in your next team meeting and say: "I've been thinking about how we work together. Can we spend 20 minutes talking about what collaboration [or whatever value] actually means in practice?"
Then ask three questions:
"What does [this value/goal] look like when it's working well here?"
"What would achieving it actually require from us—in time, resources, or trade-offs?"
"What's one behavior we should all expect from each other that makes this real?"
Don't try to solve everything. Just start making the invisible visible.
You might discover your team agrees more than you thought. Or you might discover you've been playing different games the whole time.
Either way, you'll finally know what you're working with.
See you next Saturday!
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